Seriously, it’s over? I think for many of us this year couldn’t end soon enough. Although, I will say, the last three months got REALLY good in my world.
But isn’t that how it always goes?
I am labeling 2012 the year of the “SUCK”. For me it sucked. For most people around me it did not. I had a lot of struggle this year. I was sick, my body was broken, I had struggle with my work (yes, even yoga teachers can have struggle). I was continually exhausted. So, this year was sucky (but i hear if you are a redskins fan, this year was AWESOME!).
So there is always this dynamic going on. And even in my own home, this dynamic was happening. My daughters were zooming through life – great things, great accomplishments all around. My husband was stable and happy – but me, no. I was a grumpy hot mess. My body hurt, I had a cold that seemed to never go away – and no matter what I did – the pain continued.
But then, fall came. And I’m not kidding when I say big things ALWAYS happen for us in the fall. Not sure why but it’s clearly our new beginning. Our new year. (Reflection – perhaps we should have married in the fall… hmmmm….) Fall came and I woke up one day and my pain was gone and I felt like for the first time in over a year my eyes were open. I had energy that I used to have, my body could move. How did this happen? I changed nothing.
What happend was this – through all the suck I had faith. I had belief that by slowly moving through and going slowly things would open up for me. I didn’t do any of it the easy way, but the way I did it will and has made me stronger and more appreciative of this body, this life and the way that the universe works. Clearly, I had lessons to learn and it’s very interesting to now realize what those lessons were.
I say this all the time to my yoga teacher trainee’s. And in the moment, I know they think I’m being harsh, or I’m a little “cray cray” (as the kids these day’s like to say) but I say:
You must first show up and SUCK before you can show up and SHINE.
One of my first teachers of yoga, Baron Baptiste, introduced me to this idea. It’s brilliant and it’s true.
So, 2012 – thank you for being my year of Suck. I will let you go, not holding on, not defining myself or attaching myself to what you were – but instead, learning from those lessons – not promising I won’t repeat them again (because who knows what caused it all in the first place) – but promising that I will show up and SHINE BRIGHTLY — even if it SUCKS!
May 2013 be your year to SHINE.
Love to you all – Marcia