When I look at the specific situations that I’m feeling this way about I try really hard to think about what my motivation is/was for doing the thing (or not doing the thing) I did; the person who was disappointed with me and where they are coming from and then the final question which is – why am I trying to please everyone all the time? — this is it – really, this last part that I want to discuss.
We are a culture (or so we say) of people pleasers – fix this because one person doesn’t like it – agree with someone’s point of view in fear of confrontation and so on and so forth.
IT’S FRIGGIN EXHAUSTING!!!
This past month
(and I’m not going to get into HUGE details about the situations) I’ve had two very specific things happen where I’ve unintentionally pissed someone off. I’m a controversial person – I get it. Not everyone likes me – that’s ok. That’s not where I’m going with this. In these two instances – it was out of me trying to do something or share something with these people that caused them to get mad. Really and truly honestly, in one case I was trying to create a process to make things easier and in the other I was reaching out to this person to share a story…..
But here’s the deal – I’m not them. They are not me. What I received was a backlash of their OWN story not wanting to accept my gift (we’ll call it).
So, to move through this – I did several things:
1) I processed. I talked with someone I trust — my husband — he’s always good — he plays devil’s advocate with me to help me see both sides.
2 ) I cried and let myself feel bad. I’ve learned that holding things in — not so great for the body, the spirit or the mind.
3) I let it go – I have no control over them. They have no control over me.
4) I didn’t take it personally – OK back up to #2 – I did (for a day or so) but then I really had to just realize this was their process, not mine.
5) I realized I was doing the best I could.
6) I tried to not make any assumptions (remember, you’re just an ASS if you do).
7) I stayed true and impeccable to my word.
The four agreements – thank you Don Miguel Ruez (buy it here if you have never read it).
So, let’s back up to the beginning — Who am I really letting down then? No one. But if we move to a place where we are ALWAYS trying to make EVERYONE happy – then yes we will.
My big lesson for the past two weeks that the Universe decided to share with me – is this – take care of yourself first, don’t let yourself down and then the rest of it will align as it should.