I’ve been holding something in, trying to process it for about a week…
NO, actually more like months now and I am finally in the right space to put it out there (and let it go in the process).
…the two hour cry fest I had yesterday probably helped…
Not so long ago I was in this place in life where I filled up my days. Packed them with to do’s, to don’ts, to this, to that…do, do, do, go, go, go–and I thought it was all the right things to be doing.
And you know me–I am always talking about the need for space, talking about the need for down time. Yet there I was pretty much with no space and definitely NOT enough down time.
It’s been six months now since I left the source of that “busy-ness” behind and two months now since I left the space that had created it. It’s been a week now since the “busy-ness” truly stopped.
I thought I had finally gotten that space and down time I’m always talking about.
The “busy-ness” had finally stopped and I had stopped feeding it.
My time had always been full of weekend trainings, putting out the latest fire, emails, Facebook, Instagram, phone calls, did someone get paid or not, who’s teaching a class, all of it at once while driving down the road (I admit it)…etc. etc. etc.
My life was taken over by that space I was in and I had let it happen. I had helped CREATE it. It was totally my fault.
But now I sit here, with none of that noise and all of the sudden it feels and seems like failure.
My day isn’t full of stuff to distract me from what’s really important. I have time to actually focus on ME and MY business vs. a long “busy-ness” list that never ends.
Six months ago, I decided that I needed to take control. I had a plan, a vision for me and for Your Possible Life. I had it all mapped out on what life after that space and “busy-ness” would look like.
A week ago was my first REAL week of that new life. Not only was the “busy-ness” gone but I had no dance competitions. No travel. No weekend training. No soccer.
And suddenly, here I am…feeling more than a little lost.
I feel totally insignificant–not needed. But that’s crazy, right?
I had asked for this to come for a LONG time. I’d asked for the down time. I remember wanting it so badly.
So I guess it’s true–what you wish for, what you visualize, is what you get. It just seems to be happening at the WRONG time for me emotionally and mentally…
So what will I do with it?
I know…I’ll clean my house like I’ve been wanting to do for many months. Like really clean it. Move the washer and dryer to get the lint in the cracks (don’t judge you know what I’m saying). I’ll go through my clothes and get rid of the stuff I no longer need. I’ll take out my oils and label them, organize them, and prepare for classes. I’ll practice yoga. I’ll sit and drink my coffee a little longer than normal. I’ll STAY HOME. I’ll cook dinner. I’ll put my phone down. I won’t respond to my text messages. I’ll teach a yoga class…
I’ll live my life instead of “busy-ing” my day up.
Sometimes the start is the hardest part. But I still have a vision–that plan that swept me into this new space where I suddenly don’t know what to do with myself. So I’ll focus on that vision. I’ll focus on that plan. And I will make it happen.
But I’ll also learn to enjoy the spaces in between. This time that I asked for. This time where I’ll live my life. This time where possibility becomes reality.
Let’s see where we go from here.
I hope you’ll join me. 🙂
XO – Marcia